This is a continuation of Part 1 : Shout Out to the Newbies.

To put us all back in the frame of mind for this, You (the newbie) just got accepted into the guild of your dreams. But everyone around you doesn’t seem all that impressed, and nothing you do seems to crack that icy facade. You’re in the guild, but you’re definitely not treated as a member yet. You’re not one of the team, you’re just…the New Guy.

So now you have to go even further, you have to Prove Yourself.

Let’s take a step back first, shall we?

Why should you have to prove yourself?
Why indeed?

Come on. Even those of you who know why that’s a silly question have felt that way. You’ve gone through the process to get in the guild/group. Why should you have to go above and beyond to prove yourself?

The first thing to realize is that you’re not alone. The stuff the guild is doing will be the subject of Part 3 of this novelization. But even if you can’t see it, you aren’t the only one who is working to make this relationship work.

Because it IS a relationship. It is. It’s not like you’re getting married or anything like that, but you are entering into a relationship with a group of actual, breathing, living, feeling people. To stretch the metaphor a little further, getting into the guild was like your first date. You’ve winked and giggled at your target for a week or so, and finally gathered the courage to ask them out for a date.

…that doesn’t mean you’re done. Now you have to woo your crush, see if that develops into a full-fledged love. You have to bring flowers, take her out to eat at a nice restaurant, build a rapport, develop in-jokes and make sure her friends like you.

That may sound somewhat absurd, but it’s really not far off the mark. Why do you have to prove yourself? Because you ALWAYS have to prove yourself. You aren’t exempt from it in real life, and you’re not exempt from it in gaming life. Getting in the guild means that superficially, you have been found attractive. Now comes the part where you actually get to know each other. This is the important stage, and it’s too easy to get discouraged by what seems to be a lack of response and give up early.

Unless you find yourself in a situation where you are obviously unsuited (your brand of humor draws thunderous disapproval, you are consistently uncomfortable by the subjects brought up in group chat, that sort of thing) - I recommend giving at least two weeks before you decide whether or not you like the guild. Don’t give up just because you don’t seem to be making friends, or because you aren’t getting the response you expect. Relationships need time to grow, and the beginning is always awkward and rocky.

What you should not do
Don’t give stuff away. Don’t spend hours farming and then eagerly offer the output to the guild raiders. Doesn’t matter if you’re talking about free enchants, free gems, free potions, free cooked food…anything.

That’s bribery, but that’s not why it’s bad. It’s bad because then it becomes expected behavior. It’s also bad because the person you’re helping may not be well thought of in the guild. You haven’t been there long enough to realize that LazyHealer moans about the cost of mana potions before every single raid, and that she has yet to actually buy any of her own consumables, always getting them for free from people who just want the raid to happen. Helping that person doesn’t gain you points, it just makes you a target.

It is a very easy way to get your name known. People will feel fleeting gratitude and will have a pleasant response to hearing your name spoken, but they will forget why soon enough, and you don’t want to spend all your playtime appeasing other people.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be willing to help other people. My personal philosophy is to help those who help themselves. If I find myself with extras and the mage next to me runs out of potions, I’ll offer a few. She brought some, but we used more than expected. It’s an abnormal situation, it keeps the raid running, and that mage has helped me out in the past too. It’s a cycle. Someone who consistently is out of consumables because they never bring enough is a different story.

Judge your situation as it arrives, but be wary of trying to “buy” your way into the guild’s good graces. It almost always backfires. Even if the reason you’re doing it is because you love to help people, and you truly are altruistic. That’s great, but the method backfires regardless of how pristine your motives are.

Being a giving and helpful person doesn’t have to translate into you being a doormat. Our guild has a transmute specialist who spends most of her time farming. She’s always got a stockpile of Primal Mights and meta gems. And she’ll sell them to guildies for less than the Auction House price, and she’s constantly making deals and helping people. I feel grateful for her help when she deals with me, and happily accept her “guildie discount”. She’s not being a harpy by not just giving stuff away - it takes a LOT of effort to farm those up. And anyone who asks her for a Primal Might and then cringes when they find out they have to pay for it is probably someone I’ll be watching. It would be different if she was the guild recipient of all motes and primals, but she farms all that herself, and she’s being extremely generous to offer the output of that work for a lower price than she could get elsewhere.

THAT is generosity, and I value it greatly. You don’t have to give expensive things away for free to be appreciated and noticed.

What you SHOULD do

First and foremost - if your guild has forums, go to them. Familiarize yourself with the forum layout and boards, and read at least a few threads on every single board. Why do this? Because you’re entering a relationship, and here you get to read the diary of your target. What sorts of things make her laugh? What does she like, what does she rant about? Take advantage of this incredible ability to learn about your guild without embarrassing yourself first.

After you’ve done that (AFTER!!), then if the guild has a “getting to know our members” board, post. Say hello. Introduce yourself. This, my friend, is the first time that most of the guild has ever heard of your name. Not all of the guild is going to read the boards, but the officers do, as (in general) do the active guild members.

Do not despair if you don’t get responses! If you DO, then reply in kind.

Begin to respond to other threads that are being updated. WATCH THE FORUMS. I was in a guild where I was beloved and known by all, yet I almost never spoke in guild chat. The forums are an amazing tool to let people get to know you, don’t be afraid to use them.

Secondly, don’t lurk. Speak up in guild chat, say hello, welcome people online. You may not get a response right away, and sometimes it may seem like you’re being actively ignored. This is highly unlikely (though not impossible). Check the guild window - is the majority of the guild in an instance? I, personally, don’t have time to watch guild chat when I’m instancing. I’m sure the same is true for others.

Are there other guildmates around your level on and not instancing? Ask them if they want to do an instance, ask if anyone needs help with an instance. Ask for help with group quests (note, have the quest done to the point where you need help. Don’t ask when you haven’t even started the two-hour quest line yet), ask if anyone needs help with some group quests. Don’t pester - ask once or twice, then move on. Silence might mean that nobody saw you ask, or it could mean “I’m busy right now”. It rarely means “I hate your guts and would rather farm primals than be grouped with you”. These are the ways in which you will start to get people to know how you are as a player. Almost everyone has some group quests in their log that they wouldn’t mind help with.

At this stage, the biggest thing you want to happen is to have people recognize your name and think well of you. If you rarely speak in guild chat, are inactive on the boards…how then are people supposed to know about you to care?

Summary
People actually remember and value contact more than items. The people you do an instance run with are more likely to remember you and speak well of you than someone you randomly passed and gave a stack of potions to.

Be active, be noticed.

As in real life relationships, don’t give more during this stage than you’ll want to give later. There’s a reason that disgruntled wives wail “we never go out anymore!” — don’t be that husband! If you are the kind of person who loves to farm and give materials out to the guild, then you are a rare commodity, and I’d like you in my guild. *winks* But if you’re only doing it so someone will like you, and you’re probably going to feel abused and irritated if people request that behavior from you in the future, then don’t offer yourself so cheaply.

The biggest thing is not to give up. If it’s been a week and a half, and you still feel like you’re getting the cold shoulder, talk to an officer. Let them know your concerns, and ask them if they think perhaps you’re not a good fit for the guild. Give the guild time to respond to your discussion, and if things still don’t clear up, feel free to pack your bags.

Not every guild is a match for everyone, but just joining the guild doesn’t mean you can start wearing your sweats and letting your beer gut hang out and watch tv while we clean the kitchen and cook dinner for you.

A guild is a relationship. Both sides have to work to make it happen. Expect a commentary on what the GUILD should be doing in Part 3!!

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 25th, 2007 and is filed under General Info, Soapbox, ~ Vonya. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.