The Egotistical Priest
An irreverent and opinionated discussion of the many classes
in the World of Warcraft gaming universe.
Reincarnation without a Shaman
by Hannelore
Reincarnation. We’ve all met the spirit healer and decided against letting ourselves get sucked into the big swirley vortex in the sky. At least I assume we haven’t. I don’t like the idea of someone who has passed on still reading this. Kind of creepy. Stoppit.
But I’m talking about reincarnation. Past lives. Where you existed as someone else. Creepy, maybe, but it’s become such a common thing that you might be able to recognize a previous incarnation. This is different from people wearing disguises and hopping around causing mischief or getting laid by attention starved mages. This is…well let me tell you about some fun I had the other day.
We were running through a dungeon, my troupe and I. Things were dying. Mostly it was the monsters, but sometimes it was us. The mage was slinging frostbolts, fwoosh fwoosh, and the warlock was slinging shadowbolts, doom doom, heals were flying and the tank was tanking. All was happyface except for one little thing.
The hunter.
No no, this isn’t going to turn into more hunter hate. You’ll see where I’m going with this. The guy just happened to LOOK like a hunter. But he was not. I could tell. The pet, a bear, sat beside the hunter more often than I did. The hunter was usually up at the side of the monster. Sometimes he was swinging his polearm, sometimes not. (Hey, what makes the huge white glow, anyway? I never bothered to check him, but now I’m curious.) I finally asked him what he was doing.
“lol trying a spell”
Now, granted, I’m a stickler for this. You may have noticed I’m a stickler for a lot of things. I’m something of a stickler. You could say that I stickle things at will. But that would be silly.
Anyway! Nevermind that. All of it. The point is, if you go lawl, it means I am picturing you laughing. Probably doing a nice, healthy guffaw. SO! If you turn to me in the middle of a fight and go “HAW HAW HAW, I’m trying a spell!!!” I will be understandably nonplussed. Confused. Concerned for my safety and your sanity.
“What spell are you trying, chucklehead?”
“ROFL scare beast”
Wait wait. There’s one monster up there. The tank is tanking it. The mage is maging it. The warlock is locking it. I’m healing everybody a little. And you’re going to go scare the monster into the next crowd of monsters while your fluffy bear sits beside you and licks its unmentionables? Yikes!
“Please don’t do that…”
“rofl” “okay”
Suddenly our tank pipes up!
“And turn growl off.”
It sort of surprised me because I didn’t think the pet had been doing anything. And then I saw the pet was taking a lot of damage so I had to healinate it! Fwoosh! I’m just going to start translating what this fellow was saying into how my addled brain was hearing it.
“HAW HAW!! …he’s not growling.”
“Then how did… wait, did you use intimidate?”
“HEE HEE HEE!! Yah.”
“Well stop that.”
“HARR HARR kay.”
This was all feeling very familiar to me. Horrific déjà vu. I know a lot of people that act like this, but they’re usually not hunters. Hunters can be slapped upside the face with the retardo-fish, but this is a special brand of drain bammage we’re seeing here. But the final clue didn’t hit me until the guy had to find something else to do with his twitch-energy if he couldn’t inhibit the tank in some way. (Because he was not shooting. Well, he’d fire off an arcane shot. Then he’d sit there a second. Then he’d fire a different special shot. No lazy autoshot for this fellow! Let’s just say, my Pain was doing more damage than he was.)
The final hint to this miscreant’s past finally became evident when…he began jumping.
Hopping.
Bouncing.
Sproing sproing sproing sproing sproing sproing sproing (shoot) sproing sproing sproing.
“Ohemgee, you’re a rogue.”
“HAR HAR HA-wut?”
“A rogue. You used to be a rogue.”
“Yeah, how did you know?”
“…”
“HAW HAW HAW HA- wait are you in my guild?”
I think the next time we had a mass of monsters attacking us, the tank let him play with his own. Even did us the favor of putting a glowing triangle over the hunter/rogue’s head so we could watch him when he tried to run around down the ramps as we dealt with the other critters. Much luff for bear tanks with style.
What?
What’s that?
What do you mean “It’s not Monday”?
September 2nd, 2008
meh. is like a Monday.
September 2nd, 2008
The big white weapon glow is Icy Weapon. An extra /facepalm for a huntard with a weapon enchant that only procs on melee attacks.
September 2nd, 2008
Holy cow, he reincarnated on your server? I’m so sorry. Apparently burning the body does not prevent reincarnation.
Toodles.
September 2nd, 2008
@Ratshag
Thankfully, it means the week’s a day shorter! Gladface!
@Awlbiste
But…that doesn’t make any sense. Why would you do that? I’ve gotten a chuckle off of huntars with ‘Fiery’, but at least there they may be thinking they’re getting extra dps out of it. But Icy Weapon? That just slows a mob down, when it’s already in melee range… Maybe PVP reasonings? Ngh. Retardo-fish indeed!
@Grimmtooth
This was YOUR doing?! You have to lop off their head and throw their router into moving water to keep them from reincarnating again. I thought everyone knew that? Hrumph.
September 2nd, 2008
Close enough to Monday for government work…
I am, however, honour-bound to correct one tiny detail, dear Hannah. The particular breed of…thing…you encountered was not, in fact a rogue masquerading as a hunter, but rather the similar, but slightly less well-known inbred retard-spawn commonly referred to as a “rouge.” You see people looking for rouges all the time and contrary to popular belief, they are not, in fact, looking for a nice blush that complements their complexion, but rather one of these failures of genetics. No, I have no idea why someone would willingly seek one out, but they do.
Real rogues hold these rouges in as much contempt as our fellow (ugh, did I really just say that?) hunters hold their retard cousin huntards. Perhaps moreso, as there are just so damn many of them. Strangely, for a class known for being sneaky and hiding in the shadows, rouges are curiously highly visible.
You know how you tell a real rogue? Your purse is empty, your head is sore and somewhere, there’s probably laughter.
September 2nd, 2008
Its not so bad when its a group below lvl 50 (in a fairly appropriate level instance). The instances below that are such that you can reasonably expect to survive them with bare minimums of particpation, albeit long and painful in the process.
Key thing to take from this is that bad players are bad players regardless of the class they play. Someone who sucks hard at playing a Rogue will suck equally hard at playing a Hunter. Its not a matter of skill at that point, its a matter of personality. Its not just that this guy doesn’t want to be good at playing, he actually gains some small satisfaction at playing poorly, at being the worst little tool he can be.
September 2nd, 2008
@ Koal
“Rouge”. I’ll have to remember that. Rouges, and huntards, and loladins, and tard-specced mages, and warlols, and …what are the warriors we need to watch out for?
We all know priests are infallible.
@ Yggdrasil
I do not know how much easier it is to survive these dungeons at this stage. I do not have all the tricks that would be at my disposal, later on, and there are a lot of ways that these places can still one-shot a whole group. Landslide, in Mara, sending my tank flying off the cliff and down between those four ramps to go splat while the rest of us are stunned and dealing with the little spawnlings. Yeuch! I don’t think any of the big-kid dungeons have many similar insta-wipe situations.
September 2nd, 2008
lol. There is a reason for the name “huntard”
This reminds me of a time I read a thread on some forum complaining about rogues. Something like the top 5 things a rogue does that annoys the crap out of you. And literally almost everyone put their #1 thing as ‘constantly jumping’. At the time I had never seen a rogue do that. never, ever. I was wondering what people were talking about. The comments were way too prevalent for me not to have noticed before.
And then the very next instance group I got in, there was a rogue….constantly jumping. I wispered him something like “so, it’s true about the jumping thing then”, and he answered back something like, “lawlz, yeah! hahahahalololol”.
Rogues….
However, as bad as rogues are, nothing raises my hackles more quickly than a warlock.
I can sum my feelings about them into this: “#$%@#^%$% facerollers \stopcasting”
September 2nd, 2008
@Hannah
As far as you’re concerned, any warrior that isn’t prot may as well be a wartard.
September 3rd, 2008
Rogues need to jump to DPS. It’s the imaginary trampoline that keeps us from going COMPLETELY INSANE FROM THE 5 SnD 5 RUP cycles!
September 3rd, 2008
[...] Egotistical Priest has a grand hunter related tale on the nature of reincarnation (Do rogues really bounce a lot? The ones I meet these days in instances are so damn professional [...]
September 3rd, 2008
I can’t say much about rogues and bouncing, I tend to ignore them unless I need a lockbox opened or someone is requesting a sap. Well I also pay attention when Im in crypts and the rogue’s lockpicking hasn’t made it above 200
I do have a favorite rogue, anyone that still talks to you after mailing them 30 lockboxes to open is someone you keep track of
To be honest he’s a very professional rogue, always whispers people when they get lock boxes, sap’s the near impossible mobs or dies trying, pulls mobs off the healer and avoidance tanks them.
Said rogue just got bored and rolled frost mage, which is now wondering around outland doing instances. I’ve been asked to heal his groups using my druid (70 resto) and I keep asking why he’s taking so much damage. Seems he forgets he has no vanish
September 3rd, 2008
Haris Pilton should really have a line of makeup, including rouge. With an “obviously beautiful” buff that slightly decreases stealth…. and I could not resist:
http://www.wowitemcreator.com/view/258886/Rouge.html
September 4th, 2008
Mmmm well I’ve been lucky in instances ^_^ – but I did a battleground last night (as a shaman – lvling a shaman alt to 70 before WotLK) and my flag watching buddy was a rogue who sort of coasted around me in stealth going on and on in /say about how bad the shaman class was @_@ – guess he was bored.
They should give rogues the ability to dig holes or something … to keep em busy when they are waiting around for action.