Not Quite The Same Shared Topic

There’s a shared topic that’s been floating around the blogosphere for a while – What Class Would You Be In RL?

I’d like to modify that slightly and take off the “in RL” portion of the question.

Maybe it’s just the storyteller in me, but I love to insert myself into the books I read, the tv shows I watch, and (of course) the games I play.

If Azeroth were real – I mean, really real, with deaths that stuck and blood and gore and truly suffering people who needed your help, and the “quests” you did truly changed their lives for the better – what class would you be?

Which of the Warcraft classes suits your personality?

Would you be a plate wearing warrior, feeling the blood lust as you charge headlong into rampaging monsters with only your shield and sword to ward you?

Would you be a rogue, stealthily darting through the shadows and lightening the pockets of your enemies before slitting their screamless throats?

Would you feel the rush of fire and ice in your veins as you collected a frostfire bolt in the palm of your hands, ready to be hurled at the nearest villain?

Would you be a shaman, feeling the call of the elements and gaining your strength from earth, lightning, fire, and water?

A mighty paladin, perhaps, hammer crushing your foes even as you heal and strengthen your comrades?

A hunter, with your trusted beast by your side, teamwork mowing down all those who dare cross your path?

Or perhaps a Warlock, steeped in shadow and fire, binding demons to your will?

Priest – either upholding the light and bolstering your companions, or twisted and dark, wielding the power of shadows against your foes?

The possibilities are as endless as the talent trees and races to choose from.

Me?

I would be a tauren druid.

Surprised?

The peacable, earth-loving tauren have always appealed to me. I sometimes spend time in their starting zone just to be there. To hear the deep voices bless me “May the eternal sun shine upon thee.” and “Walk with the Earth mother.”

Beyond that, the druid class itself is one that appeals to me. I’ve always been fascinated with shapeshifting, and animals particularly. To transform into a lithe cat or a soaring crow – these would be wondrous things indeed.

In addition, the role of the druid is versatile – I could heal, but I could just as easily turn feral and cause significant damage. No helpless healer, this.

Why not a Priest, or a Hunter?

It’s true that my favorite classes to play are priest and hunter. But in real life, I would be uncomfortable with the squishiness of the priest, and the dependence upon the Light.

I would enjoy the bond shared between hunter and pet, and I love archery – but it does not suit my personality to be only a fighter. If Azeroth were real, I believe I would be more likely found on the sidelines, healing the wounded than at the front lines, mowing down  Scourge.

And you?

What would YOU be? What path would you choose?

More hard-hitting direct and analytical reviews of heroic versus family-friendly raiding will have to wait until next week. 

Today: BUNNY EARS.

I would love to tell you about the fun and frollicky time I have had with Noblegarden so far. The brightly colored eggs, the silly rabbits, the jovial ears that suddenly have every level five mage in the area swoop down on me like I was covered in chocolate…

Uh.

But I cannot tell you about these things. I know nothing about them, and have only heard legends of their happenings. Because, in case you did not know, I am a blood elf. Our nobles are the magisters and mage-priests of the broken sunwell. There shall be NO fun near our walls. However, to keep from looking like oppressive zealots that seek only power and glory and the life-sustaining mana-tap, we still allow the peons and little common-folk to ‘hunt for eggs’. But because our people are accustomed to hardships, allow me to explain to you how we have changed this pretty little adventure into something more comfortable and familiar to the Sin’dorei.

First, we have commanded that whenever an egg is discovered, the finder must stop there. You cannot move. Hold your ground and protect it with the tenacity we have instilled in our soldiers to keep our city safe from the unending scourge. Spit expletives at any other seeker that comes near, or you will be shamed for the rest of the week by the fact that THEY TOOK YOUR EGG. Each person is to find their own spot, their own eggs, and when we teleport more eggs into the area, each person will quickly gather their allotted prizes into whatever receptacle is available. I hear some commoners even shove them into their mouth. Wonderful.

Those seen running around will be called out for ‘ninjaing my eggs’ from those who have properly protected their placements. Shouts should ring out across the area for any that come late to the party and are unaware of the magisters’ law. “Find a spot and camp it, everyone gets more eggs!”

As this may seem to be too easy, we have included instructions and the materials with which to turn commoners into rabbits. These small, brightly colored mammals shall be precisely the same size as eggs. This added level of difficulty proves that the Sin’dorei can best any difficulty, and will inflict challenges on ourselves simply to make it more interesting. This is not a game, this is a test of our commoners’ will and abilities, as the sword is hammered in the fire! Those little people who are in the guise of rabbits are challenged to avoid the grabbyhands of those chocolate-blinded crazies looking for chocolate, and the crazies get to be constantly confused why the eggs they shove into their baskets are soft, furry, and squeak “OMYGODLETMEOUTDON’TEATMEEEEEEE” at them.

Reports are already coming in that there have been some casualties, but that’s to be expected. Better to cull them early than to have them someday wind up in a pick up group with me where I have to do it myself.

Cries ring out across the wall dividing the halves of my great city. “Where are the #%*(@ pants?!” “Selling the dress for rabbit ears!” “OMG u just ninjas my egz!” And “This egg is furry and squeaky.”

“DON’T EAT IT!!”

I like to listen for the scream.

As you all know, I tend to keep as much of my real life off this blog as possible, but a recent change in my life was made easier by the application of Warcraft terminology and thinking, so I decided to share.

So what is this life change?

It’s a workout regimen called P90X, which includes a large section on a specific diet just for the program.

My husband and I are theorycrafting it.

Fitness Raiders

If life is “playing the game” and restricting your diet and getting in some exercise from time to time is “instancing” then workout regimens are definitely the “raiding” portions of health and fitness.

That makes my husband and I newbie hardcore fitness raiders.

There’s a LOT to learn. The general sense of “sugar is bad, vegetables are good” got us from playing the game to instancing, but it’s not enough for the raiding we’re doing now.

Now, we need details. We need rotations, we need specific information about when and where to use which types of food. We need to know about supplements and shakes and powders (buffs).

We need to buy the gear  (weights, bands, pull up bars).

Examples of Food Theorycrafting

Did you know that you get a buff after a hard workout? Lasts only an hour, but during that time period, your body will process nutrients more efficiently. That’s a great time to have a recovery drink – high in carbs, liquid, easily digested nutrition.

Did you know that your body will work harder if you wait three hours after your last meal before you get started? Wait to use Heroism for the boss fight instead of blowing it on trash.

Do you know that the “perfect” amount of protein for a portion is 100 calories and 20 grams of protein? Did you know that six egg whites is one protein portion? To me, this is akin to how much hit rating do you need to get hit capped.

Did you know that any meal with protein is digested more slowly by your body – so if you pair a protein with a carb, for example, the carb will be digested more slowly. Much like if you use a trinket at the same time that you use one of your long-cooldown abilities, it will increase your output moreso than if you used them both independently.

Start each day with 8 hours of sleep – or don’t jump into a bossfight until your healer is at full mana.

Summary

So, what’s the point of all this?

The point of this is that we turned learning about nutrition into a game.

Warcraft is a game, and yet many of us spend a lot of time learning about it and maximizing our performance.

Some people think spending that much time and energy on a game i’s a waste, but I think it’s great practice. You spend time on the things you enjoy. You learn to research. You learn to dig up information, you learn to test and to question, and to compile data.

Whether you’re learning about a shot rotation or weighing slices of turkey – it’s all the same. It’s all theorycrafting. If you can find a way to take the things you enjoy about Warcraft and apply them to your daily life, then you’re winning.

It’s a game. It’s a game that I take very seriously, but it’s a game that I enjoy.

It’s also not the first time I’ve applied theorycrafting to non-warcraft subjects. Not the first time that I’ve used Warcraft terminology to help me understand something (ever go to the store for mats to make cookies? I rest my case!)  or to amuse me when doing otherwise mundane tasks.

Does that make me a geek? Hell yeah, and proud of it. I’m also winning the fitness game.

Query

What about you? Do you find yourself applying Warcraft to real life? Not just in fitness, but in other aspects as well? Does anyone else treat a grocery list like a quest? Does anyone else wait at a red light and imagine the RingDing! of the boat bells when it turns green? Do you research all of the details of something, anything, and enjoy it as much as you do theorycrafting in WoW?

This is the companion post to Tuesday’s “Frivolity and Fun” post.

Where that one was lighthearted and not game-altering, THIS post asks the same question but with a more serious turn.

If you could sit down with a Blizzard developer for an hour over coffee, what things would you bring to their attention as being broken or needing attention? And taking that a step further, how would you recommend they be fixed? Lets have some fun with this shall we?!

Examples

• Totem Poles for shaman. Instead of littering the floor with wasted mana and cast time, let a shaman carry a totem pole (like the flag carrier in WSG) on their back. The totems would still cost the same amount of mana and still require the (imo stupid) global cooldown for each cast, but at least they can carry the totems WITH them from fight to fight.
• Consecrate(d Ground) for Holy Paladins. A deep Holy talent that would allow a a healing Paladin to “lob”  a consecration effect. Add a Glyph of Consecrated Ground that lets consecrate heal for x amount of damage it would do and presto! many happy paladins with an AOE HoT.
• Understudy for Rogues. Basically a Ninja in training, this would be a full fledged pet for rogues of all specs. Each Understudy would have skills similar to the rogue and would be propped up by whichever tree the rogue was spec’d for. For example, a combat rogue would have skill that boosted Sinister Strike – the Understudy would get that same boost. Their damage output would not be on par with say, hunter pets, but they would scale with the rogues gear and change to match the rogue in every visual aspect. Put it on a long cooldown like the Mage’s Mirror Image spell. **Kwane note: I was actually thinking this would be more like a standard pet, but with the same amount of hitpoints the rogue had, just lesser damage output…like built in multi-boxing 2 rogues***
• Absorb Demon for Warlocks. This talent makes the warlock always appear in a hybrid demon from usage until death, with the visual aspect of the warlock. changing depending on which demon was absorbed. This would negate some of the talents bolstering the pets, but absorbing the demon would give the warlock a good portion of the demons health, armor, and int – and access to the demon’s abilities.
• Master of Nature for Druids. Druids gain the ability to create or summon various creatures, dependent upon spec. Restoration druids would be capable of growing saplings that emit a constant low level HoT but cannot move, Balance druids summon Crazed Moonkin that spam moonfire until oom then melee until they randomly vanish. Feral druids summon cubs that spam bleed effects, that boost dps/threat and make waaay to much noise and are hated by the raid for it. All druids can spawn a flock of crows that boost group/raid movement speed temporarily.

And that’s just for starters!

What would YOU suggest?

Apology

First off, I’d like to apologize for the lack of a post on Thursday – work has had me in a stranglehold lately, and it’s going to get worse before it gets better, as we’re moving to a new building and I am one of the few, the proud, the ones who are authorized to unplug and plug wires.

Hopefully, the bulk of the interruption will be in June.

That being said, I’m still busy, but this isn’t entirely a cop-out post. I’m incredibly curious.

The Post

After last Tuesday’s post about hairstyles and dances drop as BoE “scrolls”, there were a few comments that really got me thinking about OTHER ways in which the game could be enhanced.

I want to say here that I currently plan on making THURSDAY’s post be for non-frivolous ideas.

TODAY’s post is all about frivolity and fun.

If you could sit down with a dev and ask for some frivolity, what would you request?

Examples

• Hairstyle and dance loot drops.
• Tattoos (credit to Ailis for the comment with the idea)
• Non-combat vanity pet BATTLES. You can initiate tiny wars between two non-combat pets much like dueling (the rock-em sock-em robots already do this if they come near each other – I’d like this to expand and be 1) voluntary and 2) involve ALL NCPs)
• More poop quests (I KID, I KID)
• Armor and tack options for the following : hunter pets, mounts, druids (I am hugely looking forward to the new druid forms blues have been hinting at), and noncombat pets.
• Rather than going the usual route and requesting armor dyes (do any of you remember Everquest? *shudder* Armor dyes are a great idea that gets implemented horribly), I want to request purchasable RP clothing slots, kinda like hunters get stable slots or banks get bag slots. I can choose whether to use one of my RP clothing slots or my actual armor to display on my character at any given time, while still retaining my armor set stats. And I don’t want to carry those RP clothes around. Maybe once I “apply” an article of clothing to the RP slot, it disappears, as though it had been disenchanted.

Request

So what about you guys? What frivolous changes or additions would you request being made to the game?

I swear, when I find out who is writing the headings to these things…

So I set out on an epic quest to discover the makeup of space goat’s pack of hoodlums.  I even asked nicely.  Then I spied on them.  I mean, the whole cross-faction communication thing is hard enough, but when they’re on a different server?  That’s tough.

Remember.  Blood elves.  Portals.  We know things.

However, I am here to share with you what I was able to discover about Vanguard.  So let’s see…where’s my notes.  Ah.

Noq is a paladin.  Noq tanks things.  See Noq tank.  Noq apparently graduated top of her class from Stormwind Academy and baffled her trainers with an attitude indicating she didn’t care.  She skipped graduation ceremonies to solo Onyxia.  She has since solo’d Shattered Halls, and the dragon-riding achievement thingie from the Occulus.  I don’t know.  Someone mentioned it, I have no idea what that even means.  Maybe Noq is one of those dragons dressed up as a mortal?  It would explain so much.

Rhollo is a foreigner.  For some reason, this night elf still hasn’t adapted to the rest of the alliance culture.  There was some mention of tuna stew?  I don’t know.  Apparently this druid is allergic to microwaves, too.

Another one that’s a little out of place is Zubei, a space goat shaman that just recently woke up.  Remember, they crashed hard.  He’s still trying to find his place among the Alliance, and is dealing with fighting a war that was never his own with these natives who barely know what they’re up against.  I imagine the conversation was something like “Hey, glad you could join us.  We took care of that Illidan fellow, and now we’re fighting dead things.  Join in!”  From the look of things, he’s wasted no time in hopping into the fray. 

Kafive, having worked up through the ranks in Vanguard, is assisting Zubei become acclimated to the new world and the bizzare battles they’ve been swept into.  As another draenei shaman, Kafive has some insight that’s been rather helpful to the new arrival.  There seems to be some competition between the two, though, and the friendly totem-tests make them a collective force to be reckoned with.  “K5″ has recently switched to a more Elemental style of combat, and now Noq is ducking lightning bolts.

Regard is a priestess from the Stormwind Academies, first in her family to get a higher education.  While she enjoyed channeling the light and joining adventuring bands through tough situations, she eventually came to the point of being a teacher to up-and-coming soldiers of battle.  Amazingly (haha), she slowly became jaded by having to watch them so often charge forward, stumble into fire, and then flail around.  There is some rumor about her living in the stockades, a torrid love affair with someone named Bazil, and she came out of the situation as a devoted disciple of the Shadow.   Escaping that scandalous background, she joined Vanguard in the hopes of seeing new glory and fame.  Now she melts faces.

Aste is a warrior.  To be honest, Aste is a strange warrior.  Most I meet are so busy bashing things in the face and running around yelling at things, I sort of just see them as a psychotic meat shield.  Aste has…um.  Style.  A little obsessive compulsive, maybe, but I have a hard time faulting someone for wanting to look good while beating the ever-loving life-goo out of Sartharion and his minions.  This disorder also extends to some sort of need to find out more about enigmatic weaponry.

Carahil is another paladin.  A newer addition to the group, Carahil apparently made a name for herself by crashing through expectations and managing to meet Vanguard’s ridiculous standards for its fighters.  Still, I wasn’t able to find out a lot about her, but apparently she likes the shinies.  If Noq is secretly a dragon, I hear Carahil may secretly be part cat.  I don’t know how that works, and I’m not sure I want to hear theories, but I am very eager to see what happens if you shine a little red light at her feet and zip it across the floor in the middle of a battle.

Shandrell is a raven-haired mage from Stormwind.  The ONLY mage to have the tenacity to stick with Vanguard’s rigorous demands.  Apparently the woman has some long history with the group, and bowed out for a while at one point.  Once back in the fold, “Shandy” wasted no time in frostbolting anything that looked funny at Noq.  There may be something there but, uh.  Being a mage, her portals are better than mine.  And she seems to like her privacy – I’ll get back to you on this one.

Palit is a tree-druid-thing.  With aspirations of growing up to be an Ancient of Lore, Palit seems to be one of those stereotypical hippie druids that live for nothing more than to keep his band of adventurers alive and well while they keep his very flammable bark out of Sartharion’s reach.  Palit is also infamous for making ridiculous and groan-inducing puns and innuendos, usually involving trees, wood, bark, roots, branches etc.  His invitation to the guild dance party next weekend is tennuous at best.

Vonya is a space goat trollop and I hate her.  She’s been an ambassador to just about every culture that the draenei have come into contact with, but you knew that.  What you might not know is that in her past, she [Entry redacted - ed.]

And so far, that is what I know of the members of Vanguard.

That, and they are apparently “F-ING UNDYING BITCHES.”

But that’s just a rumor.

Reminiscing

Remember the way that Jewelcrafting patterns were acquired in Burning Crusade?

Random drops from random mobs throughout the world – BoE, so they were then sold in the Auction House for obscene amounts of money?

Yeah, that sucked a lot.

A Request

However.

I’m making a formal request for that system to be re-instated.

Not for Jewelcrafting (what, you think I’m NUTS?) and not for any other profession, either.

Oh, no.

What do I want?

Hairstyles and Dances.

Oh Yes, You Heard Me

That’s right.

I want random BoE dropped hairstyle patterns that you can take to the barbershop and get a unique haircut.

I want random BoE dropped dance instruction manuals that you can take to a dance studio and add a new shimmy to your shake.

I want them to be sold on the Auction House for obscene amounts of money – why not? They’re not necessary for anything at all, let the vanity stuff be expensive. (Tundra Traveler’s Mammoth, anyone?)

I want some to drop only in 25 man raids. I want some to drop only in 10 man raids. I want troll mohawk/shaved styles that only drop in Zul’Drak. I want Dwarf braids to drop in Ulduar.

I want to pick up a froggy leaping dance from getting my Gorloc rep up. I want to pick up a troll salsa and a tauren line dance.

How much fun would that be?

Query

What combos would you guys put, and where? What hairstyle, what dance would you have drop from which bosses? What zones would drop the coiffure of your dreams, which mobs would teach you to tango?

Last Weekend, we decided to take care of the And They Would All Go Down Together achievement. We’ve been trying to push towards Plagued Proto-drakes but to make excuses, the retooling of our raid force has set us back some.

The goal of this achievement is two kill all 4 of the Four Horsemen within 15 seconds of each other, which sounds a lot more challenging then it really is.

Breaking down our raid force once more:

Tanks :  A Protection Paladin and a Feral Druid

Healers : A Discipline Priest and a Restoration Shaman

Melee : Retribution Paladin, Enhancement Shaman and a Fury Warrior

Ranged:  FFB Mage, Balance Druid, and a Shadow Priest.

*Note don’t stare at the pure DPS class he gets scared*

We broke the group into “sub-groups” Tank and Healer for the Melee Horsemen and a ranged “tank” for the Caster Horsemen. With 2 floating DPS groups.

LOOK AT THE PRETTY PAINT PICTURE!

So as you can see everyone was assigned a specific role. Healers were to keep the Tanks and rotating DPS alive, and the tanks were to make sure none of the mobs used their respective YOU ALL GOING TO DIE NOW SPELL.

The Ranged tanks were our resident Balance Druid and Shadow Priest, they were mainly concerned with staying alive as we have no third healer, so both were out of their normal forms using healing spells on them selves.

Switching “tanking” postions every 3 Marks of Blaumeux/Zeliek. Which if you are attempting this achievement you know they apply at a different rate then the “melee” horsemen. This could be simplified if you had a third healer but, if you don’t and have two hybrids that can heal, they should be able to fill in at the cost of DPS.

In the front we had the tank healer combo of our Protection Paladin and Discipline Priest on Baron Rivendare. And our Feral Druid and myself(Restoration Shaman) on Thane Korth’azz. We set it up this way because Thane would be doing the most damage and Hybrids don’t have the mana to keep everyone alive, at least I don’t think they do. I could be wrong.

The tanks traded Baron and Thane at three marks by the run to the middle and taunt each other mobs and run back to their respective corners method.

Our two roaming DPS teams were our Enhancement Shaman and Fury Warrior on the right side(Baron and Zeliek) and our FFB Mage and Ret Paladin on the left side(Thane and Blaumeux). They swapped everytime they got three of their respective marks. Meaning Left side rotated either up or down to Baron or Zeliek, Right side did the same only on Thane and Blaumeux.

They DPS as normal holding cooldowns till 5% to insure we get it. Now for us Thane and Baron died far faster then Blaumeux and Zeliek did, so on some switches our DPS simply stood around waiting for the Blaumeux and Zeliek debuff to expire and run back in for more stomping, we eased them down to 15% then 10% then finally 5%.

At 5% we split the DPS even more.  We had the the DPS team keep one Thane/Baron and one on Blaumeux and once everyone was in postion popped herosim, and had everyone help DPS, and they all went down together (see what I did there?).

This took only one try for us, so I’m fairly confident it’s a soild strategy, maybe not the best one out there but, I think it’s better then then one listed on wowwiki!

I remember being on my baby tauren hunter, years ago, and our guild put together a raid and took me along to see the second half of Mauradon.

I was in absolute awe.

I remember the first time I saw a devilsaur. I also remember the first time I was eaten by a devilsaur, as one quickly led to the other.

I remember Aensu patiently taking me aside and telling me that if I ran away from him while I had a mob on me ever again, he was going to tan my hide.

I remember hearing Mr. Smite’s booming “You landlubbers are tougher than I thought. I’ll have to improvise!” and the chill it sent down my spine. I remember doing a /roll to see who got to be the one to use the cannon to blast open the doors.

I also remember the precise moment that I made a shift in the game and the way I played it.

The day that Kwane, Aensu, and myself sat down in Booty Bay and took an inventory. We wanted to run instances. We couldn’t do so with the characters we were playing at the time.

So we rolled new ones – the “ultimate” in tanking, healing, and dpsing at the time. From that moment onward, I started to take the game more seriously. Healing an instance was nothing like healing while we were out questing. I had to know what stats I needed, I had to research my gear, I had to learn my spells.

From that day forward, it is as though I have been playing a different game.

I changed as a player. Instead of just floating along in the Warcraft stream, I picked up a paddle and really put my back into getting my boat somewhere.

I took control.

It was a truly pivotal moment for me, as a player.

What about you? Have any of you experienced your own “moment”? A time when the game changed dramatically for you, and you started to view it differently?

/mana crystal

Alright alright, let’s settle down here.

A lot of people are getting all excited about some kind of upcoming changes, and space goat is somehow making the effluvium hit the sprinklers (what?) with her backwards glances on how well things have gone so far. And then there’s little old me, coughing and wheezing as I come straggling out of Utgarde Keep, barely alive and with nothing but the experience (and some cash) to carry out with me.

I believe it may be time to remind people of some things that they may be taking for granted, or just plain forgetting. The following are all things that I wished I had time to properly explain while in pugs over the past week. They are things you should know by now, but for some reason, either never learned or figured you knew better.

You do not. I am right. Shut up, sit down, listen.

Pulling:

The tank pulls.
Especially in a pug, where you know at least half the group is phoning it in, you let the tank pull. Even if you have a hunter, who swears he knows how to use misdirect, it’s often not worth it. “Oops, misdirected to healer” is not what I like to hear. With people thinking random AFK’s are a good idea, I’d rather have to wait a few extra seconds for the tank to come back, than to have someone ‘help out’ and pull for the tank, only to find out that HEY. HANNERS IS TANKING LOL. For the doucheknights, please be aware that your yank-and-spank spell, while amusing, does nothing for my nerves. You are going from 0 to Tanking in less than a second, but only on one mob. The others are coming at you only because you just jerked their friend across the room by the face. ANY heal I do to you is going to make them more angry at me, and then what are you going to do? In my experience, you are then going to run around like a moron, wondering why all the monsters just rushed past you.

Sheep Pulls are Stupid.
When did this start becoming common again? I realize that mages might feel they have been left out of the utility fun with the complete lack of CC lately, but come on use some sense. You have the highest intelligence ratings of the group, but you can’t figure out why I throw a hissy fit every time you decide to sheep your target before the tank pulls? It’s because everyone who is not currently chewing grass is now running at you! Again, if I heal you at all, they are instead running at ME. You have iceblock, I have a shield that can take two hits, maybe, then I’m flatlined. If you’re having a problem with your target being in the concecrate or being hit by aoe from the group, then – hey! Not your problem anymore. If you can’t control your target before it gets into range of those things, that indicates something YOU need to fix. Not the tank. And certainly not ME.

Wipe:

In a wipe, EVERYONE RUNS.
Having all three dps suddenly go afk, sometimes they tell me sometimes they don’t, as soon as we hit the floor is one of the most infuriating things. I am running back. Me, the one that was either the first one dead or the one healing my guts out until the last second. The one person in the group guaranteed to have to buff everyone when we get back up. I have to get my mana up, buff, and then get my mana up again. You can not move forward until I do that anyway, so you are not saving yourself any time. In fact, you are wasting more time by forcing me to have enough mana to resurrect you after I run all the way back, because that’s more time I have to spend chugging back that terrible seal blech. If the healer is running back, everyone should run back. And you other people that try to defend this behavior with “It’s ok, I’ll rez” are NOT helping. If everyone pops to life at the beginning of the instance, then they have the entire run back to regen mana and health, so we are nearly good to go by the time we’re back to where we were. If we’re even slightly coordinated, other wonderful things can happen. I can buff while running! Other people can buff while running! Hell, the hunter can even make us RUN FASTER. Look! Synergy or something!

When a wipe is eminent, KEEP FIGHTING.
If you’re the tank, you may have the tricks to pull it off and save it from being a wipe.
If you’re dps, you may be able to take down one or two more baddies before you drop.
If you’re the healer, you and that one random other guy might be able to stand up against the odds.

Feign Death/Vanish/ (and wtf is ‘shadowmeld’?)
Unless you’re the healer, do NOT try to drop agro and hide in order to spare yourself a repair bill or something. You may wind up pulling out of the battle just as the others in your group are pulling out the stops to survive. Now your lazy butt is trying to determine if you need to get back in the fight, or if you just shot everyone’s chances and NOW it’s a wipe. If you have a rez, this is somewhat forgivable, but still looks cowardly. If you don’t have a rez, and you wind up being the lone survivor in a wipe that you may have contributed to by ducking out early, then you are just an ass and I hate you. But to be the type of creature that does that, you probably laugh at my hate – in which case you can also laugh at the other people in my ignore list WHICH YOU JUST JOINED. Roffle, my good sir, roffle.

Summoning Stone:

Go to it.
If there are 4 people in the group, EVERYONE STARTS HEADING TO THE STONE. I cannot stress this enough. Mostly because that vein in my temple is starting to get twitchy. I COULD stress this enough, but something would burst. I have been having a hard time getting groups together, mostly because everyone is looking to get carried through these places, or they’re refusing to tank until they realize the tank they’re stuck with is not as ooberleet (troll for ‘very special’) as they feel they are. Nothing is quite as infuriating as being the last one to a group, dropping whatever quests you were working on and running to the nearest flight master in order to fly across the continent and realize that you’re the first one there. The only other person even on their way is in Zangarmarsh and their hearth to Dalaran is on cooldown so they’re heading to Shattrath to port to Undercity to fly to Howling Fjord. Everyone else is afk, in battlegrounds, or “lol I’m in dalaran and don’t have any fp from here! Lol”. That’s when I flip a coin to decide whether to just suck it up and stick it out – or drop group and do some quests for the dead guys nearby. Maybe hope that I get caught under one of those lurid green vats when their containing glass fractures, my pain may end early.

Also: don’t be the jerkoff that runs into the instance the moment you’ve been summoned. Especially if one of the people that summoned you JUST SAID: “I have to go afk for a sec, summon the others ok?” Because then I AM JUST STANDING THERE NEXT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS GONE COMATOSE WHILE YOU PICK YOUR NOSE IN THE INSTANCE A:LJKS(* @)(@)!*!JF)S.

/mana crystal

Playing in a group:

If you get agro (because you’re stupid and forgot you aren’t the tank) – do not run down the hall trying to give me the ‘hi sign’. You run towards the tank. You always run. Towards. The tank. Remember back in Rage Fire Chasm? When you realized that running from monsters in an instance only means you DIE TIRED? Still applies, bucko!

If you’re the tank (bless your heart) and you have to maneuver away from a badguy that is doing bad things – remember line of sight. Out of line of sight from the badguy = good. Ding sound! Out of line of sight from the healer = bad. Bing bong sound. If there is a circular place, with a bunch of columns, and the badguy does a big effect that you have to move away from – where is the optimal place for the healer to stand? In the center! If I were behind the badguy, I’d be in danger of having you run out of range while I’m getting too close to being up on the badguy. Plus, since it’s a circle, you might go around behind a pole as I’m casting. If I were behind YOU, then I’d be in danger of being underneath the badguy when he does something, because you backed up and lead him right at me. But if I’m in the center, and you’re moving backwards around this circle – not only are you ducking behind columns away from me, but you probably aren’t moving backwards fast enough to dodge his big effects. You are, in short, just screwing with me. I’m looking at you, big bad guy at the top of the Keep. You and your roars. Grr.

Traps are good if you’re protecting the healer. Traps are bad if you just run into a group of badguys and start an exploding trap beneath them before the tank has agro. What the hell, guy?

Declaring, at the beginning of the instance, that you ‘go kinda fast’, does not give you carte blanche (that’s elf for “wtf are you doing”) to ignore my mana pool and the tank’s health. Even if you are the tank (especially if you are the tank). Subsequently asking me “What happened there, lag spike?” when you die is NOT going to make me giggle and ask which inn you’re currently living in.

Any time you find yourself saying “lol that’ll be good for my alts”, pause and see if what you just picked up happened to have bound itself to your soul like a lamprey eel. If you do, in fact, say this out loud but realize you are an idiot, make sure you pick up a rock. Then you can say “My alts love shiny rocks. I was talking about the rock. Why are you looking at me like that?”

If you need something, push the damn need button. If you don’t, but can use the cash, hit the damn greed button. If you’re on top of a giant wall with a lake behind you and an alliance town in a valley in front of you, push the Dam Release button. Oh ho ho ho ho! (Push the damn release button if it’s a wipe, you lazy whacktard.)

Playing in a group is a lot different than roughing it out there on your own. You have to think a little bit about what you’re working with. Don’t rely on the crap you’ve been able to get away with while your guild holds your hand through previous dungeons, or your bestest buddy in the world who is already knocking on Arthas’ door while you’re trying your hand at rescuing Thrall from Durnholde for the first time. This time you’re running with me, and I. Will. Let. Your. Ass. Die.

But I’ll probably feel guilty about it afterwards. Dammit.

/mana crystal

Today’s diatribe is brought to you by the numbers “Dammit someone stole half my guild bank” and the letters “F” and “U“. I’m lucky to have made it through with half a pack of crystals left… Our paladin woke up naked except for her tabard somewhere just outside of Ratchet, and the Mistress is just a wee bit livid. Don’t mention the proto-drake whelp…