I have been busy, my lovelies, but not so busy that I’ve forgotten about your desperate need to be educated and enlightened by the fruits of my hand.  This week has been enlightening for me, as well, as some things have been made clear to me that they aren’t exactly sharing in Silvermoon.  So much for that ‘promised land’ thing they’ve been spouting.  Prince whatshisname apparently messed up somewhere along the lines and isn’t quite the hero we’ve been led to believe.

Oh well, I’ll spare you my shattered rosey glasses view on Outland.  Instead, lets discuss our new friends, recently turned traitor again.  See, they turned traitor by joining the Scourge and getting all these nifty powers.  Then they turned traitor again by giving the Scourge the finger and coming back to us.  I’m sure they will be very trustworthy from here on…

Anyway.

I have a hypothesis.(That means “i c wut u did thar”)

I believe every rouge, loladin, fury warrior, and those enhancement shamans and mages that were always ticked off whenever a warlock beat them on the meters, all got together and rolled death knights.

In the spirit of continuing to differentiate between those people and the ones that have evolved beyond slime mold into a player that learns about the class and is willing to work in a group situation, we shall now be calling them DoucheKnights.

DoucheKnights can tank, no matter what tree the majority of their talent points are invested in. From experience, I can tell you that it doesn’t matter if the points are mostly in ice, blood, or undead - they can tank. Just as the druids’ feral tree is not ‘just’ cat, or ‘just’ bear, it depends on where the points are placed within that tree; so too are the trees of the new hero class.

The problem is how LONG they can tank.

DK’s are inherently squishier than warriors or bears or paladins. In their defense, they have a lot of abilities that heal themselves through damage. In a regular, non-spike fight, a DK could get by with no external healing. It is possible, as was called out many times in general chat across Hellfire Peninsula, that a group of 5 DKs could do fine through an instance. No healer needed, no healer wanted. Who wants someone in your party that can’t take hits when everyone else is focused on one target? Who wants to wait for mana after that last battle knocked everyone down to about 20% health? And no one wants to hear some blood elf priestess in the back going “Will you f-ers decide which one of you is going to f-ing tank?!”

“lawl were all tanks”

I don’t know much about the names of DK titles. Most of the DKs I worked with were not the communicating type. There was a lot of whining about needing a better weapon, but otherwise the conversations revolved around arguments about which tree was ‘good for tanking’ (see above). Otherwise, they were telling me not to worry about it when I told them to wait for mana. I imagine this allegory to my situation.

“Excuse me, sir, but your horse just stepped on my head.”
“Oh don’t worry about it, he is fine!”

Whatever the names of the spells, I could easily tell which groups held one or more DoucheKnights. They were the ones making liberal use of what I came to call “Yank and Spank”. This is some bizarre purple beam which shoots out, grabs the monster by the face, and yanks them through the air towards the knight for spankies. This is a wonderful spell to force a caster into melee range. This is a terrible spell when used by the knight who just woke up from a coma, standing beside me, and yanks a monster away from the group being beaten by the tank far ahead of us. Suddenly I have two tanks. Now another one does the same trick, and I have three tanks.

There are now three knights, spread out from each other, fighting one or two monsters. When called on it?

“I was helping CC that mob. I saw DK#1 taking damage. Geeze, it’s fine.”

Fine indeed. Rofl, good sir, rofl.

Another fine ability is the “I’m bored, lets make some friends” ability. It comes in the shape of a gargoyle. Every time this ability is used, some friendly gargoyle comes out of nowhere and proceeds to hover above us and shoot things. It is fairly epic, and I’m sure it is very fun for the knight who wields such power. Inevitably, however, things die. The gargoyle, lonely and looking for something else to play with, lazily wafts away on the breeze.

I have watched this thing go through walls, ceilings, and all-girl school dorms overseen by massive women with more testosterone than Grom Hellscream. These are things that would be impenetrable by mere mortals. Not only do these gargoyles easily slip through these barriers, but they find friends, then tell them where to find me and my party.

And then there is death. Always, death. In the form of nearly every monster in the dungeon, piled up on top of each other, and charging around the corner as though Jaina Proudmoore had just announced her debut strip tease right behind us. It is an ugly sight. I have seen it in my sleep…

Anyway.

DoucheKnights - all the people that cried when they weren’t top of the damage meter, and were tired of having to constantly wait for a tank, and were irritated by a pushy healer, now have all the tools available that allow them to completely ignore any of the things previously holding them back. If the tank is taking too long, bam, now DoucheKnight gets to tank! Healer is up to 30% mana, that should be enough, BAM, DoucheKnight is tanking. Oh no, you’re number 2 in the dps meter! BAM, bring in more mobs so your AOE racks up the points!

And then when BAM everyone is dead, all four DoucheKnights have to go do something else while the priestess runs her ghostly tush off to get back to the dungeon.

“rez plz”

/stab

Yes, well. At any rate. DeathKnights! Woo. At least some of you backstabbing, weak hearted, scourge-loving miscreants are useful for something. I’ve reached level 66 in the past week by being the one NON scourge-lover in the party. Questing is useless, because nothing out there survives long enough for me to get credit for the kill, because eight doucheknights just jumped on it. So all the dungeons got to see my pretty face, twisted in rage and impotent hate at the back of my party members. At least the guards in Orgrimmar have apples to throw. I should have joined the beer of the month club, just so I’d have a bottle every once in a while…

Alright alright, not all DeathKnights are DoucheKnights. Some made healing a joy, and it was a cinch even through places I’d never visited before. I’d get agro, and before I had a chance to fade, the thing would get yank-an-spanked. I still had to fade a lot, simply because of the nature of how squishy they are, and the amount of big heals I kept having to throw. Prayer of Healing always gets a workout when everyone else is a DK.

So. Quick recap.

Things I learned this week:

There are way too many doucheknights.
Healing in dungeons is fun again.
All three DK trees can be used for tanking.
DKs are squishy tanks.
I hate proximity bombs and the people that run over them after a fight.
Leveling up tailoring really really sucks when you’re starting from scratch.
Leveling up herbalism is very relaxing, which is a nice counter.
There are way too many doucheknights.

Your Questions!

Khol asks: I bring you an offering of burnt grain!
– I accept.

Weta wonders: Why do people still want 20 slot bags?
– Because they, and the larger ones, are still blasted expensive, and will be for months.  Big bags hold MORE STUFF and MORE STUFF is always better than less.

Tomo ponders the worth of the discipline tree.
– I have the stamina and mana to survive in a pug, even when things are nuts.  My favorite part is the completely worthless spell at the very end.  Didn’t a spell by this name use to do something useful?  Like stun or interrupt a target?  What the crap is this weak channeled orc poo spell doing in my discipline tree?

Axethrower is still curious about BRD.
– About 3 hours.  It’s a hellacious dungeon that, according to legend, was once going to have wings like the Monastery.  Then the dwarves got lazy and it’s one big, long, slogfest of dwarf killing.  Don’t wipe.

Phaedor asks: Why are some people so poor?
– Some people are poor and fat, and walking is good for them.  The rest of us require speed to go with our svelte appearance, and hot girls on fast rides are better than scrubs walking from The Great Lift to Gadgetzan.  If you feel bad, start a fund for ugly girls who walk too much.  Or something.  Sheesh, what kinds of questions were these?!

(but never actually sees any Scourge, or much of anything at all, except a lot of zombies with guild tags and the npc’s they’ve converted)

“Trick or treat, Innkeeper!”
“Braaaaaains…”
“…oh dear.”

/violence

Alright, I’ll just fly over to the Sepulcher to see if -
“Braaaaaains…”
“But how did-”

/violence

Screw this, I’m porting to Shattrath. All those super-high level players will -

/violence

I’ll just go find those undead that everyone keeps talking about invading outside the city, the ones that were not formally pug-fodder, and-

/violence

I’m going to the bank, in the middle of the city, far away from these dangerous doowhoppers that keep resisting all my spells, even before they’re full-on-zombies, and I’m going to work on my tailoring while all the kiddos are out playing hero.

“Hello, banker. I’d like to withdraw- ”
“Braaaaaaaaaains…”
“Well, no, cloth, preferably. Why can I not get to my bank?”
“Brrraaaaaains!”
“Oh bugger.”

/violence

My ultimate response?

/mariobros

You rotting meat sacks have an expiration date. I’m going to hide out in my Panic Room until you all decay.

Woo, mushroom!

Sorry I’m late, but there was some argument about how this was - (hey this collar is a bit much, don’t you think?) - going to be handled.  Quane is with me to uh…ow! Assist with this one. Please ignore the leash, it’s nothing.

Alright, so it has been called to my attention that I may have acquired a bit of a reputation as coming off somewhat…harsh. Urk! Demanding. Gack! Intolerant. …Especially towards the lesser classes. *strangling sounds* Ouch!

I mean other classes.

In this vein, I would like to turn to a more positive note. There are so many times I’ve spoken about what NOT to do, and what I HATE for people to do, it’s about time that we focus on what you SHOULD do. Pugging rarely focuses on what you should do. After all, if you’re the dork telling everyone how to play their class, you’re as big a problem as anyone else in the group. Even if someone needs to be told, you don’t need to tell them. A pug is not the place for that!

But a guild? A guild is where everything needs to be set down before hand. And it can be set down before hand. Has to be, or some retarded hunter will-

Wait no, I’m sorry. Let me rephrase.

A guild gives you the wonderful opportunity to set down a series of guidelines by which everyone can work in harmony, and come together as a cohesive unit. Fluffy bunnies and happy puppies. It also means you can make rules before you have a group, and expect people to abide by them, and boot them if they don’t! None of this pansy stuff about “Well you didn’t know,” or “I guess we should have gone over this at the beginning of the instance” (but you know if you did, you’d be accused of telling people how to play, so you never do).

Nevermind that. Here, I’ll spell out my rules for a perfect guild.

1) Main assist: this is your happy friend who will be pointing at the bad thing you are to be mean to. All you have to do is look at them, and then look at what they’re looking at, and you will know which of the monsters said nasty things about your mom, so you can tell them “That language is inappropriate!”. With fire.

2) Your A Game: being in a guild means never having to hear someone say “Sorry, I just bought this character and am still learning HAW HAW HAW.” Everyone knows what they’re doing and how to do it best. Gems, potions, elixirs, oils, foods, ponytails - whatever it takes to be a Non Liability. No playing cards while killing Baron Rivendare, or shooting your bow with your feet when that old guy comes storming into the room screaming “School is in session!” or something. Time to show off, and be awesomesauce. I would feel utter glee in booting someone who decided to “Hey watch this!” and killed me. Glee.

Wait wait, gotta be positive.

a) Knowing the Fight :okay okay, more positive. I would be absolutely delighted to show you what to do, and how to deal with that OMGPANIC moment when you walk into the alley way and the gate comes down behind you and suddenly you’re swarmed with rats or bugs or whatever they are. But you don’t have time to listen to me ramble! I’m doing you a service by pointing you towards some very knowledgeable people who have written succinct and entertaining summaries of what to expect in your adventures. I am your friend! Happy thoughts! Read. Don’t die.

* Bosskillers World of Warcraft Bosses, Guides, Movie Reviews and Guild Kills

* WoWWiki - Your guide to the World of Warcraft

3)Arguments/Disagreements with how things are done: I would love to say DO NOT QUESTION ME, but I’ve been told to be nice. So, feel free to question me. After the fight. Or way way before. Alright, alright, you can question me during, but I’ll tell you to wait until after, or something. Or tell you to put it on the forums so everyone can have a say. Mostly it’s to get you to leave me alone, but think positive! It’s so everyone can see your genius! And they don’t die while trying to tell you to be quiet. Bonus!

4) The meaning of casual: I don’t WANT to meet Illidan. I have enough problems putting up with 4 other people at one time to be bothered with - urk! I mean, you know. I want to keep my friends intimate and close, so that means I have to be more choosey about who I allow into my inner circle. You understand. Too many people, and the relationships become weak and tenuous, and it becomes more obvious that I’m just using you to get a prettier dress - gahk!! Stop poking me! I’m being positive!

a)Your time?. I have better things to do than wait for people. I hate looking for a group, that’s why you make a guild, right? So you don’t have to hunt around for that last person, or wait for them to finish a quest, or something. A guild is a happy fun shiney place where people go “Hey, I want to smoosh some dragonkin in the top of Blackrock!” and everyone else goes “Yay, meet you at eight!” And they do. And dragonkin get smooshed. And everyone gets attuned to Blackwing Lair and then wonders how to not die against the big rampaging guy when the mages keep sheeping the wrong things and fireballing the ones chasing the tanks and -gahk! I mean, success comes to those that put the guild as a priority. What you do with the rest of your time is up to you. Just come ready.

5) Raid roster: back to the whole thing of not having uh…the proper personality for a huge group of friends. A tight group of people means there’s not going to be a whole lot of options for switching in new folk or replacing people that decide to go pet puppies instead of smoosh dragons. So, the previous rules get multiplied by a bajillion points of importance.

6) Raids: Can I PLEASE get out of BRD? Please? I mean, seriously. At this point, you’d think people would learn how to - urk!! STOP THAT. Ahem. I’d like to progress, and that means surrounding myself with people that also want to progress, and not just collect new outfits from the battlegrounds, or something. Focus focus focus! Think of the rainbows and sunshine we can make, if we all work together as a team. Yay!

And that would be my ideal guild. The end.

Now can you PLEASE get this thing off my neck, you cantankerous warlock?

THANK you.

Final rule.  Don’t be a twat.

I hate warlocks.

No really. Maybe I’m racist, or classist, or something. I just hate them.

Inevitably they’re stuffy and irritable, cranky and all around moody. They don’t have anything to offer a group except killing things faster, and even their pets are just kind of in the way. At least a rogue has practical abilities, and a hunter can do… stuff. I guess.

At least most hunters aren’t blatantly suicidal.

Alright alright, the caveat. Not ALL warlocks are useless suicidal emokids. The mistress of my own house is quite regal and intelligent and quite able to handle herself. But she’s moody too, so I guess there’s that.

But most of them are just terribad. We’re out there fighting fighting fighting, the rogue, mage, and warlock are arguing over the dps meter, and everything’s dead. Well before I sit down to drink, I’d like to pick up the stuff off the corpses. Y’know, it’s mine, I might as well. Then I sit down to drink, and the guy in a dress suddenly starts farting this green cloud that gets sucked back into him as mana. And his health is going down.

“heal plx”

I mean, seriously? You just did that to yourself! Bandage, you skuzzy booger. Make that half-dressed hoofed harlot heal you, she’s obviously bored enough to give herself spankies. I’d say you’re not giving her enough attention as it is. I don’t go and throw a bunch of heavy heals at the tank while he’s at full health, then turn to the mage and demand some water. She’s got other things to deal with. You! You should be using that rock candy stuff you make out of the souls of pigs and dwarves and things.

There! Problem solved. Lifetap, then healthstone! That way I can focus on keeping the rest of the group alive. The ones that are not over there crying about how no one understands their pain and slashing their wrists with ceremonial daggers or whatever.

“Nothing’s alright, nothing is fine!”

What? Look, if it’s that bad, I’m a priest. I know people that can y’know, fix you. You can be un-evilled! Enough with the sadface, and then crying when I don’t heal you through your own psychotic hellfire. Stealing agro from the tank AND incinerating your own flesh? You deserve to be cinders!

I wish my hair could be a warlock. Then it’d cut itself.

I guess I should ask you what class you specifically hate. And why. Or something. But I’m so depressed right now I can’t be bothered. /emosigh

Friends, today we have a guest post from one of our more…*ahem* advanced readers. This, I think, might be Book 1 of a series. Enjoy, and let the guest poster know if you want more!

—

The Core

Hai. Der Ego crew asked me to write something (I have no idea why because frankly, I’m usually just full of if!). I asked, “about what?”. Two months later, I got a response: “…the trials and tribulations of dealing with that high end content might make for some interesting…”.

Um…yeah.

**Kwane here - to be fair, he went on vacation and didnt bother to notify anyone *stern look*…also, replying to the question may have slipped my mind…now we return to your program already in progress**

That can easily be a series of articles, poems, traditional country songs, an encyclopedia, or a good ole soap opera.

So, lets just start with The Core.

Every guild has one and they come in all shapes and sizes. They make up the heart, soul, and impetus of the guild. The Core is the glue that holds a guild together and can also be the catalyst for one to explode. A guild will almost always go as the Core goes, good or bad. The Core is the muscle that moves the guild and the heart keeps it alive. Lose your Core and your guild is gone or at the very least it is no longer effective, especially if you do like I do and raid in the high end. Yes, I’m one of *those* guys. The hardcore raider chasing high endgame content. I may actually introduce myself later if the Ego crew deems me somewhat useful for their further nefarious purposes. If anything, I can fend off the other village

Officers are sometimes part of the Core, but not always. Quite frankly, they are part of the Core less often then you would think. The long lived guilds understand this and typically their officers aren’t part of the Core. They spend their time tending to the structure and planning and keeping the guild informed. This allows less time for them to play, but provides better playing time for everyone else. It is up to the officers to make sure the Core stays in tact, or when it changes that is still viable in the long run.

Recruiting has a lot to do with this, which is why sometimes you see an applicant who looks like a shoe-in to your guild, get ganked in the process - or suddenly a raid spot opens up and you have no idea why. It has been my experience (did I tell you I’m old?) that guilds lacking this structure eventually go away.

“Hildi…wth is the Core then?”, you ask.

Easy, these are people who show up ready to go all the time. They interact with the guild with positive outcomes. Drama doesn’t follow them (until they leave!). These are the players the officers trust enough to award the first sets of gear or recipes to. They are there in the hard times and the good times. They know their class ridiculously well and likely know yours too. They interact with the rest of the people in the game, not just your guild. They bring in new people, find strats, do the farming required for mats, etc… Essentially, these are the people spending a lot of time in game for your guild and not just doing dailies for themselves.

If you’re thinking, “wow, not too many of those people around”, you’d be right, and thats why Cores tend to be small.

“What’s this have to do with the trials and tribulations of a high end guild?” you wonder.

Everything. High end guilds go no further than their Core allows. Period. When the Core starts to fail and is not repaired, it is a long, painful decline, inevitably resulting in the break up.

As an example, I just lived through one of these. (I’ma suhviva!) Unfortunately it happened to my favorite guild. Ironically, when I left my previous guild a lot of people told me not to go to this one. (details to come if approved by Ego) I actually was planning to transfer off server and had been talking to some people that seemed pretty cool, but a friend of mine asked me to try these guys out before I transfered. Since leaving a server you have been on since day one is difficult, I stayed.

Turns out, the group of people I met were hands down the funnest, most inviting and welcoming bunch I have ever had the privilege of meeting in a game. We all hit it off, which was good because this was back in the days when people didn’t understand the uberness of a holy priest, never took them on raids, and even few priests understood the new order of healing in TBC. Things were good back then. We had a very solid group of players who in my opinion could nuke anything in game - and we did. I joined and two days later Kael was ganked. (/flex. lol no credit to me tho. It was all them). Hyjal and BT after that was simply awesome. We tore, and I mean TORE through content big time and fast (and yes, I understand the deal with MH and BT). I think we downed Illidan after just two weeks from our first sighting of him, and council was faster (and harder) than that.

Well, there is only so much arena/bg/dailies you can do before people like us become bored. The rotting of the Core started to happen in the off time between Illidan’s ‘dramatic’ speech and when Sunwell came out. In retrospect, we should have known by our performance on Kalecgos and Brutallus that we had not replaced our Core the way we should have, or at all. That bitch Felmyst was the straw that killed us. Actually it was probably Muru, since we knew with out troubles on Felmyst, Muru was really not an option. Sometimes we would miss 2-3 raid nights because we couldn’t even field an entire raid, and that was in between miserable attempts due to people not paying attention or the under geared people we recently recruited to fill voids in our ever diminishing raid army. The Core had no choice but to raid every day because the fringe members couldn’t be there.

Burnout for us was coming soon, if it hadn’t already hit. I know I was close to calling it quits. It was a sad spiral, that ended one day when the remnants of our Core got an offer we really couldn’t refuse.

Another guild had done what we didn’t. They recognized way earlier than we did that their Core was starting to go the road ours did (and several other guilds actually. Sunwell is having remarkable success in killing raiding guilds coughDnTcough). Propositions, what-if’s, counter proposals were made and finally the handshake happened and the remnants of our Core essentially was enveloped by the other guild. In the end it has turned into a win-win really. The new guild is a lot different and it is not exactly like the good times and fun we had before, but also a lot better. In fact, it is better than I thought it would be, and some of us even get some time off because the guild has so many competent raiders to field a raid.

Hence, there is my conclusion - it is more advice to you guild officers/leaders/and core members. Or even to people who watch the hardcore guilds. Watch your Core. With it you have a chance. Without it, you are nothing and unhappy.

So….what’s in your Core?

This…was not quite the post I had planned for today.

Instead of what I will be writing here, I had intended to write a long how-to post on using the new Blizzard Combat Log as a healer. How to configure and set it up, and why a healer might want to do so.

Instead, I found myself frustrated at every turn, unable to accomplish the simplest of goals.

So instead, I offer a letter to Blizzard.

(more…)

This is about a small thing, to be sure. A genuine QQ post, though I do try to minimize those.

In general, I tend to find myself pleased with the graphics decisions made by blizzard.

Especially with the advent of the Burning Crusade, I would say there have been more delightful things to look at than not, far more things to applaud than to complain about.

Nagrand is gorgeous. Plain and simple.

The new Jolly Rancher Raptors are adorable, and even those who hate ravagers LOVE to hate them.

I absolutely love the new Children’s Week pets, as well as the beerbunny.

The new carrion bird model looks incredible, regardless of color.

The OLD carrion bird looked…well…like a carrion bird. A turkey vulture. You can give it bright plumage all you want - that bald head and staring eye is just flat out creepy. I never did like the old carrion birds, and it had nothing to do with annoying wingspan.

As a Jewelcrafter/healer, I have been using (and loving) the “green bird” trinkets. Until relatively recently, the pinnacle of the “green bird” jc trinkets has been the Talasite Owl.

(more…)

Recently, the Ego team decided to transfer our oldest toons to Drenden and play with the good folks over at Aetherial Circle. (That would be the “Bloggingest Guild in WoW”, according to the Pretty-Much-Always-Right TJ)

We did it partially for the possible opportunity to raid, but mostly because that’s a pretty concentrated mixture of awesome folks. People create alts just to hang out with these people, and with good reason.

However, when I transferred Vonya across, I found that someone already had her name.

“Peanuts*!” I thought.

But fair is fair, so I did a fair bit of mental acrobatics and renamed her Vonyari. She can still be called Vonya, and it has the additional benefit of sounding exceptionally Centauri, satisfying my inner geek.

All was well until I spent my badges to get my hammer upgrade.

(more…)

Why do you play the game?

Is it for loot? For fame? For the joy of learning new things, experiencing new content?

All of us can identify with each of those new goals. We all get excited when new gear drops, or when we finally manage to up our dps or take down that boss that’s been taunting us. We all like moving forward and seeing content that we’ve never seen before, of facing bosses we never thought we’d reach.

But all of those are fleeting pleasures. You get the gear, and as soon as you come down from your burst of adrenaline and glee – almost immediately you find yourself dreaming of the next boss, the next big item.

You can actually play the game for a long time with nothing but loot as your goal. Unfortunately, that’s a not a motivation that can last for very long. The gear ladder of this game has many rungs, but it also has an end, a point where there simply are no more upgrades.

Then what do you do? Reroll and play the game again? Wait for the expansion to come out? Dream about new content, new goals, new bosses?

Most often you do none of those things (or you do them until they too grow lackluster and stale). You burn out. The game loses its sparkle, its draw. You don’t spend all day thinking about the next time you can log in anymore. Instead you log in only when you have to, for raids that you’re only paying halfhearted attention to.

Before long, everyone can see that you’re moving on. Whether to a bigger guild that can offer you more excitement, or you’ll drop the game. The only question is whether you’ll tell anyone, or if you’ll just…disappear.

(more…)

Like a fish flailing in the sand, I unabashedly bare my vulnerability to you in the interests of self preservation with part 2 of this article. Don’t worry, that mixed emotion of pity and amusement with a slight tinge of horror that you’re feeling is perfectly normal.

Last time, I railed about Blizzard creating a tank shortage with their misguided attempts to make every tank class feel needed and special, while at the same time making every tank class feel useless and impotent on a regular basis, as well as making the job of tank recruitment and gearing 3 times harder than it needs to be. I also promised to offer solutions that would equalize the tanking classes, without turning them into the exact same class with differently colored icons, as well as offering them some non-tanking ability without overpowering the other two specs or ousting other classes entirely. So lets do that then.

(more…)